Creator: Constantine Von Kickering (b) 1855-1900 (Reign) 1877-1900

The legend goes something like this:

Constantine Von Kickering was apparently quite meticulous and demanding when it came to organization.  He insisted that all household poisons be kept in the pantry with other sundries instead of in the “kill chest”.  A common fixture in many homes in the 1800’s, a “kill chest” was a large wooden trunk used to store poisons, firearms, and exotic stabbing knifes.  In his diary Constantine had wrote, “What good does a kill chest serve a man?  If I were to invite one of my numerous enemies to dinner, with the intention of poisoning him, He would surely know something was afoot when I opened the kill chest to retrieve “exotic spices”.  No, I should say poisons belong in the pantry as to not arouse suspicion”.  It was this belief that lead to the accidental poisoning and subsequent death of his wife Beatrice in 1881.  Beatrice had mistaken arsenic for the sugar that typically accompanied her morning cup of beef broth.  Constantine mourned the death of his wife for 6 long hours.  In what he called a “selfless act of humanity”, he spent the next week inventing the poison jar.  The jars were meant to make the identification of poisons a simple task.   Nine months later, Constantine  unveiled his spice jar collection that was identical to the poison jars in every way.  It is still unknown how many suffered due to his recklessness.

You can purchase reproductions of Constantine’s poison jars at the Munkey Shop on Etsy.  In addition to the jar seen above, one may also purchase the arsenic bottle and opium jar.

Many families have traditions–precious objects handed down from one generation to the next, the passing down of a name, and rites of passage.  I, too, have a  birthright.  From the moment I was born, it was known that one fateful day I would assume control of the family business, Munkeyworks Inc.

It all started in 1787 at an opium den in London.  To attract more customers, the "Corpulent Dragon Opium Den" had started hosting squid fights on the first Tuesday of every month.  It was here that my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather,  Cecil Munkey, met wealthy business owner Thelonius von Kickering.  Thelonius had made his fortune in  buying and selling  exotic animal pelts.  Over a shared ivory opium pipe, the two made a wager on the squid fight.  If Cecil won, Thelonius would  turn over his company and all assets to Cecil.  If Thelonius von Kickering won, Cecil would be forced to share the formula for his immortality elixir.  Truth be told,Cecil did not possess a secret to immortality.  He simply sold a concoction of ambergris and sea water as an anti-aging tonic, known as "Dr. Cornfellow’s Anti-Death Elixir."

Cecil, having drugged the opposing squid prior to the fight, was victorious.  Thelonius von Kickering was a man of his word and immediately turned over all assets and holdings to Cecil.  Additionally, he purchased the last name "von Kickering" from a very distraught Thelonius in exchange for another pipe of opium.  The next day Cecil changed his last name to "von Kickering" and the company name to "Munkeyworks."

Shortly after taking control of Munkeyworks, Cecil chose to move all operations to America and deal exclusively in werewolf furs.  Sadly, he had underestimated the marketability of a coat one could wear only during the full moon, after which the coat would revert back to human skin.  This would prove to be the first in a long line of failures Munkeyworks would endure.

Since then, the cursed company has weathered a 221-year storm of misfortune, malfeasance, and failed products.  Since 1788, control of the company has been handed down from father to son.  I took control of the company on January 1st, 2009 and have no intentions of running the company like those before me.  Instead, I choose to exploit the past.